Harry Potter and the Unexpected Fanfic End
by Parry D Hotter
Summary: COMPLETE Harry and Draco are forced to spend detention together. Will romance blossom, or will they end up killing each other? "Unexpected" said the New York Times; "Very unexpected" said the Daily Star; "No comment" commented the BBC.
1. The cliche punishment

**The cliché punishment**

Harry Potter opened his eyes. It took him a few minutes of blinking confusedly to work out what the sunlight streaming through the window meant. He had slept in and was late for class. Getting out of bed in a hurry Harry ran to the showers (after untangling himself out of his sheets twice). Now, most people would think that having a shower would take time and therefore make one who is already late for class even later. But it was far too early in the morning for Harry to be thinking coherently.

A shampoo and condition later, Harry emerged from the showers to realise something: he was late for Potions, which would inevitably lead to a detention and him being partnered with one Draco Malfoy, who would do something to make him look bad, and probably end up with a detention as well, though why Snape would give his favourite student a detention was beyond Harry so early in the morning. Head spinning slightly from his abnormally long thought, Harry raced down to the dungeons and into his Potions room.

"Detention Potter."

Harry started to smile, as he had won the bet he'd placed with himself, before he realized that he'd also lost the bet he'd placed with himself. Very confused now and not sure what to think he merely sat down in the only available seat. He glared at Ron and Hermione, who hadn't saved him a seat (now that the two were together—convenient for the plot of this story—they barely noticed Harry anymore. Harry was getting to be quite annoyed at that.). Harry turned in his seat to see his least favourite person,

"Malfoy."

"Yes, Potter, that is my name. Please don't soil it again by having it come out of your mouth."

Harry opened his mouth to retort angrily—

"10 points from Gryffindor" Snape said in a sing-song voice. Harry would have said that Snape enjoyed taking points off him, but nobody likes people pointing out the obvious. Instead, he turned his attention to wondering why Malfoy was sitting by himself. Come to think of it, where were Crabbe and Goyle? Harry hadn't seen them all year. "They got transferred to Durmstrang" smirked Malfoy.

Harry spent a good ten seconds wondering how on earth Malfoy had known what he was thinking. Then he realised (when Malfoy hit him over the back of the head and said he was stupid) that he'd actually asked the question out loud.

"Good one stupid head."

Harry made sure he was thinking in his head and not out loud for the rest of the lesson.

All went uneventfully until the end of the lesson...

"Potion's done," Malfoy pointed out.

"Okay," Harry replied.

Harry looked outside to see if the Apocalypse was happening. It wasn't every day that Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy had a civil conversation (if you can call three words a conversation). However, while Harry was looking out the dungeon's non-existent windows, he wasn't prepared for Malfoy pushing him into the desk.

Malfoy laughed:

"A hah hah hah!"

Harry pushed him back. Harry laughed:

"Hah hah hah!"

Snape yelled

"Detention!"

Snape laughed.

"Mwa hah hah hah hah hah!"

Harry stopped laughing. Draco continued.

"You too Mr. Malfoy."

Draco stopped laughing. Snape smirked.

"I've had enough of you two arguing. I am going to put you together for detention in the hope that maybe you will kill each other and therefore won't bother me anymore. If, perchance, an unlikely romance develops out of this placement, then I will be very supportive for you, Mr. Malfoy, and develop a grudging respect for you Potter, which may even develop to a strong friendship."

"Um... what?" Harry asked. He really wanted to go back to bed.

"You will be spending detention together."

"Oh." Harry was still confused.

"What?! Why do I have to spend detention with him?!"

Now Harry got it.

"Because, Mr. Malfoy, my intense dislike for Potter is much stronger than my need to suck up to your father. Having Gryffindor's Golden Boy spend detention with you is an incredibly satisfying way of annoying him."

Draco was speechless. Harry let out an "I knew it!" of triumph and looked to Ron and Hermione for support, forgetting that they had already left. Snape looked at him strangely.

"I expect you both here by eight this evening, no excuses."

They left.


	2. An eventful detention

**An eventful detention**

It was half past nine. Harry and Draco were currently in their Potions room, scrubbing the desks. Snape had left the two alone for some reason. It couldn't have been because he trusted them, because no one in their right mind would do that. Although Harry had been having doubts regarding the greasy-haired man's sanity.

Harry was really starting to get bored. Scrubbing desks became extremely monotonous after about the second one. He was looking for some way to start a conversation with Draco without the boy blowing up at him. Harry looked over across the room to where Draco was busy scrubbing. The flames lit up his blonde hair into a halo around his head. His hair was un-gelled for a change, allowing it to fall messily into his eyes. This made Harry want to brush it out of his face. Not because he was attracted to the boy or anything, but because it was just damn annoying him. Personally, Harry hated having his hair in his face.

Harry practiced a few one-liners in his head until Draco interrupted him.

"As amusing as it is, Potter, to watch you make a fool out of yourself, the whole thinking out loud thing is really starting to get to me." Harry was glad he hadn't been thinking about how hot Draco looked with his sleeves rolled up and a light blush on his face from exertion. He vaguely wondered how he'd look after a—different—kind of exertion.

When Draco started slowly walking towards him, it took Harry a bit to realise he'd once again been thinking out loud.

"So, you want me do you?" Draco asked.

Harry nodded. He was wondering which way he could end that sentence best. 'Yeah, want you to sod off' sounded pretty good to him, but he thought 'You wish' would also be a good choice. Harry, not being too bright, didn't realise that by him not saying anything at all, he had actually admitted that he wanted Draco Malfoy. By the time he came to the conclusion that he would have to say something to deny it he was further confused by the fact that he was now lying on the ground with Draco Malfoy of all people on top of him.

Draco pressed his lips down onto Harry's. Harry felt a range of emotions course through him. Disgust, horror and shock were foremost among them. Despite this, Harry felt it would just be best if he went along with it. He was just starting to get into the unwanted kiss when he felt Draco's hand reach into his pocket. Thinking Draco was getting a bit feisty, he spanked him. Draco pulled back looking disgusted.

"I cannot believe you just did that."

Harry was experiencing similar feelings of shock. He blamed his actions on lack of sleep.

"Well you put your hand in my pocket," he retorted, feeling childish even as he said it.

That feeling was amplified when Draco held up his hand with Harry's wand (the literal one) grasped in it.

"I never said you could touch my wand!" Harry yelled, unaware of the sexual innuendo. He tried to grab it back. Draco simply smirked and ran out of the room. Harry followed.

Draco led the way, twisting through the many corridors. They finally arrived in the Astronomy Tower all the way at the other end of the school. Harry dived towards Draco and managed to catch the collar of his robe and bring him down under him. Now on the ground, Harry pulled himself up Draco so their faces were aligned. The fight went out of Draco's eyes; he knew he had lost. All of a sudden both boys felt a strange pull towards each other. Neither knew who moved first, but all of a sudden their lips were joined again and they began tentatively exploring each other's mouths. Their touches were gentle and careful. Neither wanted the moment to end, because they weren't sure what would happen when it did.

In a reverse of normal snogging procedures, the boys suddenly found themselves standing up instead of lying down. They walked blindly to what they assumed was the door. Draco pulled back from Harry to study the other boy's face. Harry whimpered at the loss of sweet contact but still Draco remained distant.

"My dorm or yours?" he asked, smirking.

"Yours," Harry replied.

Draco grabbed the front of Harry's robes so he wouldn't fall over, and pushed him backwards playfully. Harry stumbled and fell backwards over the waist high window ledge that both boys had thought was the door. Draco, now with Harry's arms about his waist, was pulled helplessly forward and thrown on top of Harry. Their mouths automatically found each other.

Both boys toppled out of the open window, still joined when they hit the ground.


	3. The real Severus Snape

**The real Severus Snape**

Severus Snape was never one for flights of fancy. So when the Headmaster had come up to him with saying 'I have a proposition for you,' he took off as fast as he could in the other direction. He had been lucky so far. Dumbledore had almost caught him coming out of the north tower. He had just finished visiting Trelawney to pick up his daily horoscope when he heard Dumbledore's unmistakable voice. Snape doubted anyone else in the Wizarding world had ever uttered the words: 'The Candyman can, because he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good.'

Hearing them come out of the old Headmaster's mouth was just plain weird. Someone else saying them would just be asking to be hospitalised. At least Dumbledore had an excuse: his apparent insanity. The song had the effect of a bell tied to a cat's collar. Snape usually had plenty of time to escape Dumbledore when he was in one of his particularly weird moods, always trying to set up the students or other such nonsense. Just the other day he'd been talking about the merits of teacher/student relationships and how he wouldn't mind at all if Snape indulged himself a little, hint hint. Snape poked his head out from behind the wall a little too early and Dumbledore started chasing him again. Snape ran all the way out of the castle before he managed to lose him again.

So it was no small coincidence that he was standing at the bottom of the Astronomy Tower looking up for any sign of Dumbledore when a massive blur came hurtling out of the window.


	4. Trippy Trelawney

**Trippy Trelawney**

Sybill Trelawney mostly kept to herself. She had been harbouring a secret crush on one of her fellow Professors for quite some time now, but didn't dare tell anyone of it. They made fun of her enough as it is. So when Severus Snape left her tower one night, she decided to follow him and perhaps tell him of her love. His hair really wasn't greasy, you know, just really shiny.

When Trelawney heard an odd noise that sounded like a scuffle she ran to the rescue, only to find that there was no one there. Odd. Then she caught a glimpse of what appeared to be the end of a long white beard belonging to Albus Dumbledore on approximately the 784024.345th day since his last trim, and with approximately 10092 split ends, disappearing around a corner. What really unnerved her was that he was cackling gleefully as he half-ran half-skipped in pursuit of what must be her dream lover.

Trelawney raced after the rapidly disappearing Headmaster, finally catching up to him and bringing him to the ground in a superbly aimed flying tackle. Leaving him to fix himself up, with a polite note advising him to get a beardcut soon, she ran off again after Snape.

Arriving outside, Trelawney saw Snape walk over and come to a halt seemingly without a reason. She pursued him to where he was standing; staring transfixed at the Astronomy Tower window as a shape came soaring out of it. He seemed unable to move.

"I foresaw this," Trelawney lied.


	5. Sirius Back? Wait, it's Sirius BLACK, i...

**Sirius Back? Wait, it's Sirius BLACK, isn't it!**

Sirius Black is dead. He didn't see anything come flying out of the Astronomy Tower. _Siriusly._


	6. Will this story ever end?

**Will this story ever end?**

After being rolled by Trelawney, Dumbledore was not in a good mood. Deciding to go sulk in his office he stood up and brushed himself off. A fluttering piece of paper caught his eye. Dumbledore read the hastily scrawled script and stood up straighter. It was Trelawney's writing, he saw, and wondered how long she'd had a crush on him. There could be no other reason for her noticing the tangled mob of hair attached to his chin.

Stroking said beard and nearly losing a finger, Dumbledore thought he'd pay Trelawney a little visit and tell her kindly that he was not interested, that he was in fact already dating McGonagall, who was only50 years his junior. Dumbledore was, after all, not unaware of society's disapproval of extremely old men dating much younger women, and he felt the age difference between him and the Divination professor was just a tad too big.

Dumbledore saw the object of his current thoughts just out the window and, being too lazy to walk, apparated outside to stand next to her.

Hermione appeared out of nowhere and shouted indignantly,

"You CAN'T apparate on Hogwarts Grounds!"

Dumbledore turned leisurely, apparently expecting her presence, and said jovially,

"I make the rules, I break the rules. Anyway… how did you get here so quickly without apparating??" His eyes twinkled threateningly.

Hermione looked uneasy, lost for words for once.

"Where's a camera when you need one?" yelled Harry, breaking from his passionate embrace for a moment.

Attention drawn by Harry's voice, Dumbledore did not hear Hermione mutter "This meeting never happened" and disappear again. He was rather curious as to why Harry did not notice he had fallen out of a window and was now rapidly approaching the ground. Also, why was the whole thing being drawn out so much? Dumbledore was in rather a quandary. Forgetting what he had come outside for, he relapsed into another Disney song and walked off to continue his pointless meanderings about the castle.

Meanwhile, Harry and Draco are still in tremendous peril!

Dum dum dum!!!!!!


	7. Here's to hoping!

**Here's to hoping!**

With no more tales of teachers' woes to speak of, we must return at last to the semblance of plot this story claims to possess.

Harry and Draco, joined at the mouth, were hurtling towards the ground at a continually increasing pace. Apparently unaware of their plight, or perhaps wanting to make the most of their last moments together, the boys stepped up the intensity of their kissing.

Snape and Trelawney watched silently as the erstwhile enemies struggled to drag their fall out for yet another chapter. Failing to do this, Harry and Draco finally reached the stage of the story as at the end of Chapter 2. Landing on a giant mound of bodies from the recent popularity of Tower Jumping, (A Fatally Fun Sport You Can Play With Your Friends!) they experienced some indescribable friction in a likewise indescribable place.

"Avert your eyes!" screamed Snape.

Trelawney, seeing an opening, grabbed Snape and pulled the not-greasy-but-shiny-haired man towards her. Snape looked up at her with tears in his eyes.

"It's so beautiful!" we whispered, awe-struck.

Trelawney snuck a glance over at our hot-some heroes. They had clambered off the unwashed pile of humanity that Draco felt was beneath him (in more ways that one) and were now walking hand-in-hand away from the extremely late sunset.

"I know," she whispered back.

Inside the castle, Dumbledore's eyes spontaneously combusted.


End file.
